Carole Spiers provides suggestions for managing your return to work after a loss
There is no easy way to return to “normal” after you have gone through a devastating loss. Your feelings are raw, and you may have confused emotions ranging from anger to quiet disbelief. Allowing yourself time to grieve is very important. However, returning to work is not something you can avoid for as long as you might like. Going back to work while still processing your emotions and healing is something that is not easily achieved, and getting all the help you can get from friends, colleagues, and even your manager is very important.
Your colleagues may avoid you for fear of saying the wrong thing. Some might even act as if nothing has happened, but only because they do not want to bring extra pain to your life. Remember that everyone deals with grief differently.
Experiences You Might Have
- Overconfidence (feeling you’re fine when you’re not), leading to poor decision-making
- Reduced morale and motivation
- Concentration problems, which can lead to mistakes
- Difficulty controlling your emotions, which can overwhelm your ability to work
Being in control while at work is very important. Keeping busy at work can reinforce the idea of a reassuring constant during a turbulent time.
5 Steps to Help You With Your Healing Process
- Communicate
- Ask for support
- Organisational policy
- Concentrate and organise
- The challenge
Communication with your manager is key
The first thing to do when getting back to work after a loss or the termination of a relationship is to talk to your manager. Whether you decide to do this in person, via email, or over the phone is irrelevant, as long as you do it. Let them know what has happened and what you need. You might need time off to make arrangements and to be with your family, for example. Let your manager know if there is anything at work that requires attention immediately. Include a date of return to work and let them know how to reach you.
Support from colleagues
It is up to you if you wish to let your colleagues know more about your current situation. However, keep in mind that most of your colleagues can be a welcome source of strength and willing support. Some of your colleagues might feel unsure about how to respond to grief, and they might not know how to act around you. They might not be willing to ask how you are to avoid upsetting you. If they do ask, just be honest. Just saying, “I’m not feeling good right now” can show them that you need support.
Organisational policy
Ask the HR department what your organisation’s policy is. Many employers will provide a form of compassionate leave for the death of a close family member or a significant relationship. The main idea is to allow yourself time to grieve and not rush back to work.
Concentrate and organise
Keep your mind occupied with small tasks, like eating well, watering plants, and tidying your desk. Work demands attention, but grief can be distracting. Write everything down and make a to-do list for daily tasks, meetings, and deadlines.
Find yourself a haven where you can retreat if you find yourself suddenly overwhelmed by your emotions and need a moment to process and maybe even cry. It could be your car, a stairwell, an empty office, or a patch of grass behind the office building.
The challenge
There is nothing more difficult than having to move on when you aren’t ready. Returning to work will be an enormous challenge, and it also might just be the thing you need most.
Remember to not feel embarrassed about asking for help when you find yourself in need. After all, we are all human. Take advantage of all the support that is given to you.
