Complaining can erode the trust between an Assistant and their executive and peers, explains Rhonda Scharf
I get it. Your executive is human and likely far from perfect. I complain about my husband, and I love him, so it is natural to complain about someone we work with, often spend a lot of time with, and sometimes don’t have much in common with. It’s tempting to vent; it feels good, and everyone else does it.
I’ve done it, and I’ve lived to regret it. In hindsight, I was bonding with the rest of the team, almost playing the unwritten game of who has it the worst. We complained, we laughed, and we had fun doing it. Unfortunately, the negative impact of complaining about your executive or manager is far more significant than the fun you have now.
And, unfortunately, the impact reflects on you far more than it does on the boss.
Your Professional Integrity Is at Risk
To begin with, your professional integrity is at risk, which may cause others to question your ethics. As administrative professionals, we are often privy to sensitive information. We must have a high level of confidentiality. Complaining about your executive, even in casual settings, can easily breach that trust and reflect poorly on your ability to manage sensitive matters. Maintaining professional integrity is paramount – your discretion builds your reputation. What you think about someone is sensitive. If you complain about the executive, will you share other things that shouldn’t be shared?
Consider a situation where you’re privy to confidential discussions about upcoming layoffs. You overhear your manager mentioning potential downsizing and they mention that they don’t care about the human impact because the bottom line and shareholders are more important. In a moment of frustration, you complain to a colleague about the heartless person you support. Your moment of frustration and annoyance has compromised your reputation. You may not have meant to share layoffs were coming, but while you were complaining, that’s exactly what you did. Your reputation will be damaged.
Trust: The Cornerstone of Professional Relationships
More importantly, it damages trust. Trust is the cornerstone of any relationship, especially between an administrative professional and their manager. Complaining can erode that trust, both from your manager’s perspective and from the perspective of your peers. If your executive finds out you’ve been complaining, it can strain your working relationship and hurt your career aspirations. If others know you complain about your manager, they may assume you complain about them, too. And if you complain about your executive, clearly, you’ll complain about anyone.
Let’s reverse the situation. I have heard executives complaining about their administrative professionals, and it horrifies me!
Imagine hearing, “Well, contact my Assistant, Rhonda. Hopefully, she is in a good mood and polite to you today. Some days, she is a little cranky, and you have a hard time getting what you need from her on those days.”
I’d be very upset if I heard that about me, and I’d be very upset to listen to any manager talk about their Assistant that way. When I hear them complain about their administrative professional, I instantly lose respect for them. They have no idea how hard it is to be an Assistant, how much we must do, and how little appreciation we get.
If I worked with an executive who complained about their Assistant, I wouldn’t trust them not to complain about me either. I’d see them in a very negative and unprofessional light that would affect my respect for them. Wouldn’t you? So then, why do we think it is acceptable for us to do the same?
Gossip Can Backfire
Let’s be honest, people talk too. If you are complaining about your executive, what will stop anyone from sharing what you’ve shared (even if you told them it was in confidence)? Even when venting to colleagues, there’s always the risk that your words will find their way back to your executive. People share juicy information, and office gossip can travel fast. It’s important to remember that trust, once broken, is very difficult to repair.
For example, an Administrative Assistant named Sarah once shared her frustrations with a coworker over her executive’s poor communication. Weeks later, her executive approached her, disappointed that he had heard the exact words she had vented in what she thought was a private conversation. Sarah’s relationship with her executive was never quite the same, and she missed out on a promotion shortly after that, even though she was technically qualified.
The Impact on Career Progression
All of this will naturally affect your career progression. Your career progression is often tied to the relationships you build and maintain within the organization. If you’re seen as someone who complains about leadership, it can limit your opportunities for advancement. Managers may hesitate to involve you in more strategic or confidential projects, fearing that your loyalty or discretion is compromised.
Complaining, while emotionally satisfying in the moment, rarely leads to real solutions. It can distract you from the proactive steps you can take to improve the situation. If something is genuinely wrong, whether it’s workload, communication issues, or unfair treatment, focus on addressing the root of the problem rather than simply venting. Have a serious conversation with your manager if there is a problem, as that is the only way to get it fixed. Complaining doesn’t lead to any solutions at all.
Setting the Office Tone
The attitude in the office is often up to you as well. Hazel was the front foyer receptionist at the company where I worked. She didn’t manage anyone, but we all loved to complain about her because the entire office suffered if Hazel was in a bad mood. If someone did something Hazel didn’t think was right, we all knew what was done and who did it! In theory, we shouldn’t allow one person to control the mood in the office, but when you have a strong negative force, this is precisely what happens. Even if you are good about not letting it affect you, it can taint the office energy.
If you are complaining about your manager, are others afraid to speak with you? Does your mood affect everyone else? It likely does, and although you may have the right to be angry or frustrated with your manager, you don’t have the right to make everyone else walk on eggshells. Your attitude often sets the tone for the workplace.
When you complain, you are openly encouraging others to do the same, therefore giving others unspoken permission to complain as well. As you can imagine, this creates a toxic culture where negativity thrives. That affects not only morale but also productivity and job satisfaction for everyone.
Choosing a Better Approach
Being an administrative professional comes with its challenges, especially when dealing with executives who may be difficult at times. However, complaining is never the answer. It can harm your professional reputation, damage trust, and negatively impact your career growth and your workplace. Instead, focus on finding constructive solutions, maintaining professionalism, and fostering a positive work environment.
So, next time you’re tempted to vent about your executive after a rough meeting or an overwhelming task, ask yourself: Is this worth the long-term consequences? Rather than focusing on what your executive is doing wrong, think about how you can improve communication or manage expectations. If something is truly unbearable, have an open conversation with your executive about how to improve things, but don’t let complaining become your default mode of dealing with the situation.
