Use the Coaching Two-Step to help your executives and colleagues articulate more clearly what they want, explains Jude Sclater
On an average day, how often do your colleagues come to you with problems they should be able to solve themselves?
Itâs frustrating, isnât it? Why canât people use their initiative and work it out?
The hard truth is, youâre the reason.
You might think youâre being helpful by fixing their problems all the time, but what youâre really doing is making them reliant on you. Why would your colleagues bother thinking for themselves when you give them the answers for free?
So, what can you do instead? Iâd suggest you try to think like a coach.
What Does It Mean to Think Like a Coach?
Coaching is giving someone your attention while they think aloud and asking questions to help them discover their own solutions to act on.
In practice, this means switching from telling your colleagues the answers to asking them questions to help them work it out for themselves. A manager from my Think Like A Coach workshop excitedly told me that making this switch meant her team had achieved more in six weeks than they had in the last three months. It took a little more time to begin with, but her team became more confident and self-sufficient, so she was able to shift her attention to bigger projects.
This doesnât mean you should never give your colleagues the answer. What Iâm encouraging you to do is to be curious and ask some questions to give them a chance to work it out before offering your own ideas.
Get Your Dancing Shoes On
Learning to coach is like learning to dance; itâs a bit awkward at first and you might feel self-conscious. With a little practice, youâll be doing the moves without even thinking about it, adding your own style and flair.
I know you can do it because it uses skills you already have, such as:
- giving someone your best quality attention while youâre listening to what they have to say,
- keeping them talking by asking âTell me more,â and
- summarising what youâve heard to show youâve been listening and understanding.
[Image: Coaching Two-StepÂź]
How to Use the Coaching Two-Step
Next time a colleague comes to you with a problem, stop what youâre doing and give them your best quality attention, listening with curiosity to what they have to say. When theyâve finished talking, you have two options:
- ask them to âtell me moreâ; or
- summarise the essence of what youâve just heard.
These two options are free of judgement or opinion and empower your colleagues to think for themselves.
Once youâve tried one of these options, go back to silently giving them your best quality attention. When they finish, you have the choice between the two options again and the conversation continues. If it were a dance, it might look like this:
[Image: Coaching Two-StepÂź in action]
Limiting yourself to these two options when your colleague asks a question helps you hold back your urge to be helpful. And by helpful, I mean solving the problem for them. When your colleague produces their own solutions, theyâre more committed to acting on them and take more responsibility over them.
Another way you can use the Coaching Two-Step is when you need to help your executive articulate more clearly what they actually want. By asking âtell me moreâ youâll get the real reason the task or project is important to them. Summarising back what youâre hearing will encourage them to tell you anything theyâve missed. This will enable you to deliver exactly what they expect and eliminate the back and forth caused by unclear expectations.
Once youâve tried each option at least once, then trust your intuition on what questions to ask next. After each question use the Coaching Two-Step to help your colleague or executive to expand more on their thinking.
Letâs look at each element in more detail.
Attention
I do an exercise where I put people into pairs. One is the speaker and the other the listener. The speaker has 90 seconds to talk about something theyâre looking forward to. The listener is told to appear distracted. Guess what happens.
The speakerâs speech becomes less fluent and coherent with lots of pauses, ums, and ahs. They report feeling frustrated or irritated and they keep losing their train of thought. Many also start wondering why they are bothering at all.
Attention is the most important element of the Coaching Two-Step, and Iâd argue the most important coaching skill you can develop. If all you do is work on improving the quality of your attention, your relationships will improve dramatically.
Along with attention comes silence, which for many of us feels very uncomfortable. When you ask questions that cause someone to do new thinking, there will be silence. Embrace it; it means your coaching efforts are working. When someone is thinking, theyâll be looking everywhere but at you, so hold the silence and let them fill it when theyâre ready.
Tell Me More
The purpose of asking your colleague âtell me moreâ is to encourage them to keep thinking aloud. You know those times youâve been stuck on something, and the answer magically comes to you as youâre telling someone else your problem? Thatâs what youâre trying to replicate.
When you say something aloud, you process the information differently than you do when youâre thinking about it in your head. So, get the other person to tell you more about their problem. The more they talk the more likely they are to solve the problem for themselves.
It can get cumbersome asking the same question, so here are some alternatives:
- How do you feel about that?
- What do you think about that?
- Whatâs most important for you?
Summarise
When you summarise what youâve heard, you show that youâve been listening, which is a signal for your colleague that this is a safe space to think. Your colleague also gets the added benefit of hearing you repeat their words back to them, which gives them another way to process the information.
Keep your summary short; you donât need to parrot everything back â just the essence of what youâve heard. The more you talk, the less the other person is thinking. And donât worry about getting it wrong; your summary is another way of asking âTell me more.â Your colleague will fill in any gaps.
Outcome-focused Questions
Often people are so concerned with their problem, they havenât thought of what their ideal solution would be. After using both options of the Coaching Two-Step at least once, try asking an outcome-focused question like:
- Whatâs your ideal outcome?
- What do you want to happen here?
- Whatâs the best outcome for you?
Then use the Coaching Two-Step to explore their answers more. This creates a destination for your colleague or executive. They already know where they are now, and once they know where they want to be itâs easier to see the options to get there.
Give the Coaching Two-Step a Go
You now have everything you need to give the Coaching Two-Step a go in your next conversation. Donât worry about getting it right; pick an element of the Two-Step and give it a go. I know you can do it.
