Strong, Calm, Unshaken: How to Stop Taking Things Personally

Marsha Egan, workplace productivity and business coach, reminds us that choosing not to take things personally is an act of strength, not weakness

Working in executive support is no easy task. You’re the one keeping everything on track: managing calendars, smoothing out communication, handling logistics, all while navigating shifting priorities and a range of personalities. When things get hectic, it’s easy to feel overlooked or unfairly criticised. But here’s the truth: taking things personally at work can quietly drain your energy, cloud your judgment, and hold you back from doing your best work.

Let’s dig into why letting go of the habit of taking things personally can be a game-changer, and how to do it.

Why Taking Things Personally Hurts You

When you internalize every sigh, every short email, every comment made in a meeting, you risk falling into the trap of assuming that it’s all about you. That assumption? It’s almost always wrong.

Most people are reacting to their own stress, deadlines, or internal dialogue. If your executive is curt with you, it’s just as likely that they’re worried about a major client call or juggling five things at once, not upset with you.

Taking things too personally makes you more susceptible to feelings of hurt, frustration, and self-doubt. Over time, this pattern becomes emotionally exhausting. It’s like walking around with a backpack full of other people’s baggage… except you’re the one who chose to carry it.

As the Tao Te Ching, the foundational work of Taoism, reminds us, “Care about people’s approval and you will be their prisoner.” When your self-worth depends on how others react to you, you risk surrendering your power and peace of mind.

The Hidden Strength You Never Knew You Had

What’s the alternative? Emotional freedom.

“Not taking things personally is a superpower,” says author James Clear, and he’s right. When you can respond to people calmly, with confidence and clarity, instead of reacting out of defensiveness or insecurity, you elevate yourself above the drama.

This doesn’t mean you become cold or detached. It means you begin to trust yourself enough to know when feedback is constructive, and when it’s just noise.

5 Ways to Stop Taking Things Personally

So how do you develop this superpower?

Here are five powerful practices:

1. Know what “a job well done” looks like for you and let that be your guide

When you know you’re doing your job well, based on your own professional standards and goals, you become less vulnerable to other people’s opinions or comments. Define what success looks like for you; then check in with yourself, not just with others.

2. Recognize your effort and progress, even if others don’t

When things go wrong, it’s tempting to self-blame or overanalyze. Instead, try responding with self-compassion. Remind yourself: You’re human. You’re learning. You’re doing your best. Being kind to yourself builds emotional resilience.

3. Get curious, not critical, when something triggers you

Sometimes we take things personally because we fear we’re not enough – not smart enough, fast enough, or experienced enough. Instead of avoiding that discomfort, confront it with curiosity. What can you learn here? What skill can you strengthen? Every challenge is a chance to grow.

4. Zoom out; you’re not the center of everyone’s thoughts and emotions

This may be the hardest and most liberating step: when someone is abrupt or critical, pause and remind yourself, “This might not be about me.” In fact, it probably isn’t. Shifting your focus from “Why are they treating me like this?” to “What’s going on with them?” can instantly reduce stress and help you respond more thoughtfully.

5. Don’t assume; check in calmly if something feels off

If something someone said is bothering you, just ask. A simple “Hey, I want to check: when you said X earlier, did I misunderstand?” can clear up a lot of miscommunication. You’ll often find that the person had no idea they even sounded harsh.

Final Thought: You Deserve Peace at Work

You’re not responsible for other people’s emotions. What you are responsible for is how you show up, how you respond, and how you take care of your own mindset. Choosing not to take things personally is an act of strength, not weakness. It’s a decision to protect your energy and focus on what truly matters: doing your job well, growing professionally, and feeling confident in who you are.

Remind yourself: “Not taking this personally is my superpower.”

Then carry on with the grace and professionalism that makes you great at what you do.